Masculinity is reeling in America. Men no longer live with conviction, virtue, courage, and personal responsibility.
It is these timeless pillars of masculinity that once formed the foundation of the greatest society in the history of human civilization.
The character of men is the driving force of strength within the family unit. Given that strong families are the primary factor in determining the health of any society, strong fathers are indispensable to a country’s welfare.
As the men go, so goes a country.
Weak men form emaciated societies full of dependent, weak-minded civilians lacking self control and a sense of personal responsibility. Masculine men mold societies that understand the inherent value of hard work, personal sacrifice, self-discipline, courage and individual liberty.
When the strength of the family begins to wane the breakdown of society is never far behind. Families lacking bold, virtuous, confident, masculine fathers is driving the uptick in disorder and dysfunction endemic to America today.
Sadly, those who stand to lose the most in this situation are the children.
Social studies definitively show that children reared in homes where a mother and father are both present have the highest probability of becoming educated, productive, healthy and wealthy citizens as adults.
There is no greater indicator for determining whether a child will go on to produce desirable societal contributions than the presence of a father in the home.
Look around. Western societies are immersed in a constant state of tumult. It’s no coincidence that this is happening following a generation of children growing up at a time when they are more likely to have been raised without a father living in the home than at any other time in modern history.
One in three children in America are now growing up in fatherless households. This problem has been most devastating to black children. Over 55% of black kids in America are raised in a home without their biological father.
Our society is steeped in turmoil and unrest – especially within black communities – as a consequence of fathers shirking their responsibility to raise the children they brought into the world.
Boys need masculine fathers in their lives to teach and exemplify how to be a virtuous provider, creator, problem solver, and leader that takes responsibility for his actions.
Ian Morgan Cron said it well:
“A boy needs a father to show him how to be in the world. He needs to be given swagger, taught how to read a map so that he can recognize the roads that lead to life and the paths that lead to death, how to know what love requires, and where to find steel in the heart when life makes demands on us that are greater than we think we can endure.”
Without a father to pass down these masculine principles to his progeny male children are often left looking to the outside world to teach them what it means to be masculine.
As with most everything else, the outside world distorts the Lord’s design for male masculinity. It twists what was given for the benefit of humanity into something perverse and destructive.
When boys look to the world to find their masculine identity they’re deceived into believing that manhood is defined by hyper-sexuality, violence, narcissism, acquiring material possessions, and exhibiting as much power and dominance over others as possible.
Listen to just about any modern rap song and you’ll hear these distortions of true masculine virtues glorified from start to finish. By the way, how many of these rap artists do you think grew up with a strong father present in the home?
When men find their identities in these perversions of masculinity the inevitable consequence is calamity within the home and throughout society.
Without a father to impart to his children the kind of masculinity we have been designed for – the kind that exudes bold, principled, virtuous, selfless, self-sacrificing, disciplined living – young men are left to grasp at the perversions of these ideals in an attempt to fill the resultant void in their lives.
Embracing perversions of true masculinity revokes the opportunity from our young men to live life with an overarching sense of meaning, purpose and value.
The ruinous effects of fatherless households aren’t isolated to our sons. Our daughters are also suffering.
Daughters raised in homes without a strong father turn into young women that are forced to clumsily navigate the male landscape without a clear vision of the masculine qualities a man must possess if he is to fulfill her intense desire for loving companionship.
This often leads to women developing hurtful or abusive relationships with men that leave psychological scars and drive them to mistakenly associate this kind of behavior with all men.
In more extreme cases a woman will abandon the pursuit of male companionship altogether and seek to find her masculine counterpoint in relationships with other women. This is inherently impossible, is against the natural, created order, and only leads to perpetual discontentment that will continue to grow over time if uncorrected.
Why So Many Fatherless Homes?
The reasons behind the epidemic of fatherless homes in America are many.
Boys and girls are engaging in sex (often unprotected) at increasingly younger ages. This leads to pregnancies while the males are still too young and immature to properly provide for their child and emotionally support the mother.
Men are abandoning their families to pursue selfish interests.
Premarital sex has led to what is now over 40% of children that are born out of wedlock in America every year. This number is over 70% for black children in America.
No-fault divorce laws are leading the charge of splitting up what would otherwise be in-tact, biological families, with divorce rates in America that have hovered around 50% for decades.
Feminism is teaching “empowered” women that they don’t need a father to raise their children. These women may be able to raise their children without the father, but they’re simply delusional if they believe their children will be the same or better off as a result.
Expanding welfare programs and divorce laws have made single-parenting more financially advantageous over marriage. Women are being incentivized by state and federal law to remain single while raising children for the economic benefits it affords them.
The Ideal Solution Requires Men Saving Sex for Marriage
Contrary to the popular notion that women control the “sex card” in today’s social milieu, men have the same level of control over the decision to engage in consensual sex or not.
The solution to the problem of absent fathers starts with men treating sex with the reverence it deserves. We must get back to the traditional values that see sex as something that’s rightly reserved for marriage.
Additionally, it is our duty as masculine men to set the necessary boundaries on physical intimacy with the women we have relationships with before marriage.
While sex is one of the most beautiful spiritual acts two humans of the opposite sex can engage in, we must also align our behaviors with the reality that engaging in sexual intercourse comes with the potential of immense consequence when done outside of the covenant of marriage.
The children that are created through the act of premarital sex often suffer under the weight of the consequences far more than either parent – and they are completely innocent in all of it.
There’s a reason the Lord has placed specific boundaries on the sacred and amazing act of sex.
It’s not to make us miserable and unable to enjoy the intense pleasure of sexual union. It’s to guide us toward engaging in sex within the context in which He designed it, a context in which sex will be the most enjoyable for the individuals involved, most beneficial to the lives created by it, and the most fruitful for the overall health of society.
Is this not the same reason we place boundaries on the things our children have unhealthy, insatiable desires for? For instance, my kids don’t understand it when I limit their consumption of M&M’s and encourage them to eat vegetables. The M&M’s taste so much better and they wonder why their loving father would ever deprive them from something so wonderful.
Unbeknownst to them, I am acting in love with their best interests in mind. I do it to save them from the consequences of stomach aches, cavities, obesity and diabetes. They think I’m a killjoy. I know the truth: I’m giving them sound guidance that will increase the likelihood they will have a long, enjoyable, vibrant life.
In the same way the Lord has placed parameters around the act of sex that He created for our enjoyment. He does it in order to protect us. It is to give us sound guidance so that we might be spared from the destructive consequences that follow in the wake of uninhibited sex outside of marriage, including fatherless homes.
The STD rate for those that follow God’s guidance to abstain from sex before marriage is zero.
Couples who save sex for marriage report being more satisfied with their marriages and have more enjoyable sex than couples that had multiple sex partners before marriage.
Single parent homes are nearly non-existent among couples who save sex for marriage. The divorce rate for women who marry as virgins is 6%, compared to a national average of over 50%. The relevance of this statistic to the socioeconomic landscape also can’t be overstated considering that 70.8% of families living in poverty have unmarried parents.
No other factor would have a more direct impact on eliminating poverty in America than the majority of children being raised in homes with a mother and father present.
The destruction being wrought in the aftermath of our hyper-sexual culture that places carnal desire over the Lord’s loving guidance is painfully obvious. Examples of this destruction are abundant, having the power to permeate through our culture for generations, as those who are impacted most profoundly are our children.
The Consequences of Children Growing Up Without Fathers
Feminists scream empty platitudes to convince themselves and others that they’re wholly equipped to raise children without the help of a father, but this doesn’t change the truth that children need their dads. Not having a dad in the home makes children far more likely to find themselves in circumstances later in life that are disastrous for them and the country in which they live.
According to U.S. government statistics, fatherless homes are involved in:
- 63 percent of all youth suicides
- 71 percent of teen pregnancies
- 85 percent of all incarcerated youth
- 90 percent of all homeless and runaway children
- 71 percent of all high school dropouts 1
Being a parent is challenging. We often feel like we’re doing nothing right and wonder if we’re having any kind of positive impact on our children. The above statistics couldn’t more clearly show the substantial, lifelong blessings fathers give to their children just by being present.
By simply not being feckless cowards and ducking away from caring and providing for the life they helped create, fathers have the ability to dramatically decrease the chances their progeny will end up committing suicide, becoming a teenage pregnancy statistic, spending time in prison, being homeless, failing to graduate from high school, or living in poverty.
Our country is in dire need of masculine men to rise up to the call of exercising self-discipline and taking responsibility for their actions – no matter how inconvenient it may be.
We need a generation of men that strive for the ideal of reserving their sexuality for marriage. And if they succumb to temptation and fall short in that regard, they must take responsibility for their actions by following through with the highest and most rewarding calling in their lives as men: the calling to be a father.
American homes desperately need more of them.
– Craig James
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