This posting on being a father is part of my Masculine Design series of articles dedicated to exploring the distinct characteristics men have been endowed with that make us masculine. The purpose of this series is not just to impart knowledge but to motivate men to action.
Being a father is man’s domain. Despite the sentiments of modern feminists, women are wholly incapable of filling the role of father. For they are without the requisite masculine qualities required to fill it.
Only a man can satisfy the masculine needs of a family, because only a man is equipped to holistically complement the femininity of his wife and mother of his children.
It takes the combination of a feminine woman and masculine man in the home to provide for the full physical, spiritual and emotional needs of every member of the family. Remove either and the strength of the home will start to crack and splinter under the pressure of life.
Without a man in the home, there will no one to effectively teach the value of masculinity through a living example. The consequences of kids growing up in fatherless homes are devastating.
While nearly every man is anatomically qualified by nature to be a father by spreading his seed to a woman, it’s only the masculine man that will be able to fill the role of father to its full capacity.
It doesn’t take a masculine man to bear a child. Emasculated men have children all the time. And it is their emasculated disposition that makes them ill-equipped to provide, protect, mentor, and lead by example. Spotting an emasculated man is as simple as finding a man with kids whose life isn’t characterized by living out these aspects of his masculine nature.
There are many such men among us today.
The problem so many men have today is that they allow their lives to converge toward the average standard set by the men around them. They think if it’s good enough for other men and their families it must be good enough for theirs, too. Wrong!
Just look at the hapless state of the modern family today. And I’m not talking about broken homes here. Many fully in tact families are absolutely dysfunctional because the man in the home is negligent in leading it from a position of masculine strength and excellence.
Being a Father Means Providing Value
The average married man with kids isn’t actively working to improve his ability to provide value to the world – and bring value home to his family by extension. He does little more than the bare minimum to fill the role he’s being paid to fill by his employer. He also has no means of making money outside of the corporate world that he can call his own.
He complains to his wife about being underpaid and underappreciated at work. It’s the fault of his boss or his company that he isn’t earning what he believes he’s worth. But does he demand a raise? No. Does he find ways to prove his value to his employer? Nope. Does he look for another job? Of course not. That’s too much effort.
He deems it much easier to simply convince himself and those around him that he’s a victim? So, instead of sacking up and doing what needs to be done for the betterment of his family, he seeks their sympathy.
His wife listens to his excuses, appearing to empathize, while her hind brain begins to regret marrying a man without the skills, ambition and leadership qualities required to meet the ongoing needs of the family.
The kids become anxious knowing their father is either unwilling or incapable of providing the masculine security they’re dependent upon him alone to provide.
This isn’t being a father. It’s being a coward.
A father works day in and day out to become more valuable to his family, his employer, and his fellow man. He tirelessly labors, pouring his life out as a living sacrifice for the benefit of his wife and kids.
He identifies the gaps that exist between the current condition of his life and the needs and desires he has for himself and his family. He then develops a plan to close them – and he commits to it.
Being a father means providing for those that depend on your provision. But you must create value for others before you will receive value in return. The more value you can create, the more you will receive that can then be invested in those that are dependent upon you to provide for them.
Now, there’s obviously a balance that must be struck here. The most valuable asset we have to invest in our families is our time. Use the time you’ve dedicated to creating and providing value through your work as effectively as possible. And make sure to do the same with the time that is set aside to feed into your family.
Do all that is necessary to most effectively meet the needs of your family, but never sacrifice the precious time you have to raise your kids solely for the sake of luxury. There isn’t a material possession in the world worthy of sacrificing your relationship with your wife and kids in order to attain.
Being a Father Means Protecting
The average married man with kids today isn’t prepared to protect his family from danger. This includes protecting them from physical danger, as well as the danger that exists in accepting the ideas being promulgated within our culture in decay. He’s physically and intellectually weak.
He hasn’t equipped his home with one or more firearms with which he can protect his castle. What will he do if evil makes its way into his home and intends to do the family harm? Sneak out of a window? Hide in a closet? Beg for mercy?
This is failing at being a father.
A father prepares and plans for the protection of his family. He recognizes the evil that exists in the world and acknowledges the threat it poses to those he loves and is obligated to defend.
He’s trained and mentally ready to respond to crises. He also trains and prepares his family.
He decides ahead of time how he will react to danger so he will do so without thinking in a moment of truth when the slightest hesitation can be the difference between life and death.
A diligent father hopes for the best, yet is always prepared for the worst.
Being a Father Means Imparting Wisdom
The average guy with kids isn’t fully invested in teaching his children the virtues and wisdom they need to succeed in life. He lazily delegates this responsibility to a public-school system that’s more concerned with churning out passive, compliant, worker drones than developing courageous, convicted leaders.
Sadly, most men today are content with iPads and video games raising their kids if it means giving them some more free time to waste viewing sports or porn.
This isn’t being a father.
A father teaches his children. He imparts wisdom to them daily and drives it home by exemplifying its practical application for them. Being a father requires proactively training our children for the challenges of life and the worldly temptations that will vie for their loyalty with increasing intensity as they approach and enter adulthood.
Fathers teach their children that they will be judged on the merit of their character and the value they bring to the world.
Fathers actively work to refine the characters of their progeny. They spend time reading to their kids. Moreover, they display for their children the importance of being well read as they see their father also investing time in developing his intellect through reading.
A father recognizes that the time he has to positively influence his children is in short supply and responds accordingly.
Being a Father Means Leading by Example
The typical married man with kids is failing to lead his family by example. He appears to take his cues more from the caricatures of men portrayed on television and in movies than from his masculine intuition.
His idea of a good marriage is wrapped up in his ability to keep his wife happy. “Happy wife, happy life,” he says. He turns himself into the family doormat. Never asserting himself, he fails to exemplify for his children what it means to lead in the best interest of those who are dependent upon their leadership.
He complains and blames others for all that he’s failed to accomplish in life. His attitude is one of despondency. He carries a jaded outlook for the future, which is absorbed into the lives of his wife and children. Their ambition and motivation is soon sucked out of them as life begins to feel meaningless.
Even if he happens to lead in his nine-to-five, the wife and kids of today’s father don’t see that version of him. Leading at work and not at home makes him a failure in their eyes – and rightly so. His evenings and weekends are spent with a beer in his hand and his face plastered to any number of electronic screens.
And the way he cares for his body isn’t any better.
His dad-bod, brought on by his sedentary lifestyle and poor dietary choices, sets an example of mediocrity in the realm of health and physical fitness. He celebrates having a pony keg under his shirt instead of a six-pack. He ought to feel shame at his unflattering physical condition and the example it sets for his wife and kids.
This isn’t what being a father looks like.
A father leads in a way that teaches his family the value of self-discipline. He teaches through his words as well as his actions. He understands that he is the one that sets the tone for his wife and kids. The direction of their lives will follow the trail his living example blazes for them.
A father exemplifies for his children how to face life’s challenges with confidence. He vilifies complaining and promotes the taking of right action. His family sees how he carries himself in a way that brings immense value to his life, and they emulate his example because they wish to attain the same value for themselves.
Fathering a Child is Not the Same as Being a Father
It should be clear by now that being a father requires intentionally acting in the best interests of your wife and kids. It’s not enough to simply impregnate a woman.
Any man can lie with a woman and create life. This doesn’t make you special. It doesn’t earn you anything.
All it means is that you convinced a woman to sleep with you while possessing the anatomical function required to procreate. Congratulations. You can do something roughly 999 out of every 1,000 men can do. Even the most unattractive, intellectually inferior men find women to lie with them and bare their children.
Men, your role as a father is more than being a conduit for creating life. It’s to be the masculine complement to the femininity of the mother of your children. This is true regardless of whether or not she happens to be your wife.
For our daughters, we are to display what it means to be high value masculine men. Our example will be the barometer by which they measure the worthiness of men who will one day be vying to become their husband. Their marital success literally hangs in the balance.
For our sons, we are to be a living example of how to go about developing and displaying their masculinity within a world that shuns its value at every turn. We must teach them what it means to be men of courage by living as men of courage ourselves.
When we rise to the masculine calling of being a father to our children, the family unit is galvanized with a structural integrity that will last for generations.
Our masculinity has been gifted to us not only for our own benefit, but also for the benefit of others. Nothing so clearly displays this truth than when we design our lives around our masculine nature and use it to properly fill our role as husband, father, and leader of the family.
– Craig James (@MasculineDesign)
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