It’s time for men to stop excusing away not getting their wife’s sexual best after having children.
If your wife isn’t regularly dropping her panties for a passionate romp, it’s not due to kids entering the picture. It’s because you’re not living up to being the kind of man that will elicit her intense sexual impulses of days gone by.
Of course, there will be times when your wife will need to tend to the children and sex is going to be off the table. Don’t be surprised if you get shot down trying to make your wife tingle with desire while she’s giving the kids a bath or helping them with their homework. The timing is off.
Getting your wife’s sexual best doesn’t mean getting sex whenever and wherever you want it. It means making her writhe with anticipatory desire from the way you tease her, your physical presence, how you lead the family, own your life, teach your children, take care of business at work, and make her feel like a queen so she will derive personal satisfaction from taking care of her king.
The problem that crops up when children enter the family is that men tend to default to a position of subservience. The first several months of a child’s life sees its mother devoting most of her attention to its required care and nurturing.
Men, you make a dire mistake when you confuse this with your masculine leadership becoming superfluous in the home. On the contrary, the more the family grows in number, the more your masculine leadership is needed to keep it from spiraling into chaos.
Withdrawing removes the masculine influence your children need to thrive. Moreover, the void in masculine leadership will lead to your wife developing a deep-seated resentment toward you as a result. Resented husbands don’t get their wife’s sexual best. They rarely get their wife’s sexual anything.
Emotional Wives & Physical Husbands
The sexual health of a marriage sways within the delicate and cruel dichotomy that exists between man’s desire for physical release and woman’s desire for emotional intimacy.
A woman’s sexual desires are maximally stoked through her mental and emotional pathways, while a man’s sexual desires are predominantly incited via physical enticement.
A woman is only optimally primed to satisfy a man’s physical desires after a man tugs on her emotional purse strings, and a man will only be optimally primed to satisfy a woman’s emotional intimacy once he’s been physically satisfied. This dance that takes place is one of nature’s cruelest jokes played upon subservient, married beta males.
Masculine men use it to their advantage.
The problem in most sexless marriages is that neither the emasculated husband or the wife are taking the initiative to push their partner’s sexual buttons. Each assumes it to be the other’s responsibility to act. The sex dries up. The marriage (and family) suffers as a consequence.
This is indicative of the many problems that arise from the whole trope of equity in the home. Without a masculine leader, a marriage becomes stagnant at best or chaotic at worst. As a man, it’s your prerogative and God-given duty to lead your marriage and your family.
This includes taking the lead in maintaining a healthy, sexually invigorated marriage. It’s your obligation as a man to take the sexual initiative. If you want your wife’s sexual best, you have to work to bring it out of her. More on how to do this will follow below.
You must understand that if you sit back and wait for your wife to satisfy your physical needs, as you neglect the emotional needs she has to feel desired and pursued by a high value man, you might as well resign yourself to a future of infrequent “duty sex” (or no sex at all).
The Sex Game Before and After Children
The way you will elicit your wife’s sexual best after having children is no different than how it’s done before there are children in the home.
Think back to the things you did to garner the attention of women when you were a bachelor – and do them for your wife.
Take care of your body by exercising a little self-discipline. Weight train and eat a healthy diet consisting mostly of whole foods. Consume a moderate number of calories that isn’t going to make you fat and sexually unattractive. It isn’t that difficult not to be fat and unattractive. Stop with the excuses and take ownership over your body.
Dress with style (see: style tips for men from Tanner Guzy). Wearing cargo shorts and an old t-shirt of your favorite band doesn’t display confidence and value. It displays complacency and laziness. These aren’t traits women are aroused by. Your style is never neutral. It’s either being used to your advantage or it isn’t. Make it the former.
Now it’s time to get back to taking the initiative by playing on your wife’s emotions in order to build sexual tension.
It’s the 21st century… Up your text game
Send sexually suggestive text messages to your wife during the day. Tell her how you plan to pleasure her after the kids go to bed. Make her feel sexually pursued and desired. Don’t give all the details. Give just enough to make her know your intentions, while keeping her curious of what’s in store.
Flirt with your wife. Keep her on her toes. Playfully slap her booty. Nibble on her ears. Gently kiss on her neck and slowly pull away when you can tell she’s starting to tingle with arousal. Be fun and unpredictable. Predictability lays the seeds of boredom and contempt. You want to sow the seeds of desire instead.
Exude confidence in the home and in your interactions with others. Whining and complaining about your problems isn’t going to do anything to improve them, and it only makes you look childish.
Men, don’t complain to your wife. She needs you to display strength, confidence & security. Your whining projects weakness. She doesn’t care
— Craig James (@MasculineDesign) September 13, 2017
A child whines because he lacks power and self-control. Don’t be a child. Your wife doesn’t want to have sex with a child. She wants to have sex with a confident man that is in control.
Be that man.
Your Kids Aren’t Hurting Your Sex Life
Having kids doesn’t magically remove a woman’s desire to be ravaged sexually. Most often, the desire is removed because the husband withdraws. He fails to lead the family and promote an environment of positive sexual tension by priming his wife’s emotional pathways.
While they might block certain opportunities for sex, your kids aren’t the reason you aren’t getting your wife’s sexual best. That one’s on you.
You’re the problem, but you’re also the solution.
Strive for excellence, lead your family, stay unpredictable, have fun, enjoy life, and make it more enjoyable for your wife (and kids).
This is how you get your wife’s sexual best – before or after having children.
– Craig James (@MasculineDesign)
Be sure to listen to my podcast on how to get your wife’s sexual best after having children by using the SoundCloud audio player below:
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- The Epidemic of Sexless Marriage is Symptomatic of the Modern Emasculated Husband
- Using the Spartan Agoge Concept to Raise Exceptional Children
- When Men are Leaders at Work But Complacent at Home
- Red Pill Marriage and Parenting Podcast with The Family Alpha
- Being a Father By Living Out Your Masculinity
- The High Calling of Masculine Fathers