How to Become More Confident

Men want to know how to become more confident, because confidence is a hallmark in the life of the masculine man. It’s a steroid that anabolizes a man’s presence.

Masculine confidence is a seal that proves to others that he is is fit to lead. It shows that he trusts himself and can be trusted by others, as well.

Men, understand that it’s simply impossible to lead yourself (or others) well without confidence.

Far too many of today’s men aren’t fit to lead. A dearth of confidence has led to their perpetual inadequacy in the realm of leadership. This inadequacy isn’t hidden. It’s worn on their sleeves for all to see.

Think about the men you follow and are inspired by. Do they waver in their convictions? Do their words convey passivity? Do they incessantly complain? Are they deterred by the opinions of others? Do they have a timid presence?

No, they don’t. If they did, you wouldn’t follow them.

Nobody follows such men, because these aren’t qualities that inspire. They’re an outward display of weakness, incompetence, and timidity. They’re the antitheses of confidence. Those that exhibit such characteristics aren’t fit to lead precisely because their demeanor is proof that they’re without the self-confidence required for the job.

Confident Men are Demanded by Others

In paradoxical fashion, the confident man is optimally fit for leadership, yet doesn’t purpose to lead anyone.

He leads out of necessity. He leads because others demand that he do so. He leads because the scarcity of confidence that exists in the world around him abhors the vacuum left in its wake and ushers him in to fill the void.

Husbands and fathers would do well to remember that a man doesn’t assume the position as masculine leader of the family by demanding the position of headship.

True leadership is never attained through self-promotion, threat of force, or outright violence. These are the tools of tyrants and dictators. Leaders demonstrate. They have little need to explicate, as their actions carry such power that any words employed to back them up would only serve to detract from them.

A man only legitimately assumes the position as the head of the family when the way he carries himself with confidence motivates his wife and children to demand it of him.

Confidence is everything. It’s confidence that compels a man to open a conversation with an attractive woman. It’s confidence that leads to the taking of risks that are necessary to achieve a man’s deepest desires. Confidence is behind every man that lives with an unwavering, positive outlook on life.

Low Confidence is a Consequence

Underdeveloped self-confidence is one of the most common character flaws the men I coach and interact with on social media desire to address. They want to know how to become more confident.

It’s evident that men instinctively recognize the power of confidence. Yet, very few actively work to develop it in their lives. Those that do continue to ascend in their ability to self-actualize their life’s purpose, often going on to achieve that which the average man would consider to be incredible.

Many will falsely assume that confidence is something a man either has or he doesn’t – something he’s born with – and there’s nothing that can be done to further it along or erode it away.

Nonsense. Grown men displaying little self-confidence is the doing of their own hands. It’s a result of self-sabotage.

Look around. Pay attention to the ways in which modern men are structuring their lives today. It quickly becomes clear why confidence is largely absent from their collective persona. They waste their days engaged in activities that do nothing to build a man’s confidence.

If you’re deficient in confidence, it’s because you’ve lived a life mostly preoccupied by actions (or inaction) that have done nothing to flex your confidence muscle.

Confidence isn’t gained from whining about undesirable circumstances and blaming everyone and everything else for whatever desires you’ve failed to actualize in your life. These are the symptoms of the victimhood mindset that’s so prevalent today. It’s a parasitic mindset that sucks the confidence out of a man and replaces it with fear and anxiety.

Confidence isn’t developed by arguing with others over inconsequential matters on social media.

Your confidence doesn’t grow through spending countless hours worrying about what men you have no personal relationship with are doing on a sports team with which you have zero direct affiliation and aren’t vested in with anything other than your own voluntary emotions.

Watching porn and playing video games aren’t confidence bolstering activities. They’re nothing more than buffers against your fear of being judged for creating something in the real world or being rejected by women and having to work on yourself to become a higher value man worthy of attention from the women you desire to attract.

We like to blame the feminization of western culture for the hapless state of men today. It’s an easy target, for sure. But, truth be told, the blood of male emasculation is largely on our own hands.

Sure, we exist in a society in which near endless opportunities exist for us to avoid discomfort and rejection. These opportunities come in many forms: video games, sports, porn, social media, television, etc.

Nevertheless, these lucrative markets that feed on complacency in our society have only grown to prominence as a result of men collectively determining to be lazy and comfort-seeking, instead of self-disciplined, virtuous, men of action. We’ve created these markets by investing our time and money in them.

We must never forget that taking the path of least resistance isn’t done without consequence. And one of the most detrimental costs a man pays in seeking a life of ease is the loss of confidence, a confidence that is indispensable to his ability to live out his masculinity.

Put simply, a man lacking confidence is an emasculated man. Moreover, the degree to which he’s been emasculated will be in direct proportion to the amount of confidence lacking in his life.

This is precisely why masculine men – and nearly all women – find the passive, beta male archetypes to be so insufferable. Their lives are a walking billboard displaying the castration of their masculine nature to the world. Indeed, few things are as abhorrent as a grown man steeped in fear and timidity.

Confidence is a Skill

I spent some time discussing the process of building confidence in my podcast, How to Defeat Fear and Build Confidence. The Cliffs Notes version: you must start from where you’re at and build from there.

If you want to know how to become more confident, you have to train your confidence the same way you train your body.

Confidence is a skill. It’s a muscle. Like any other skill, the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.

Regardless of how strong your confidence muscle is at this moment, there are countless activities you can engage in right away that will stimulate it and start the process of building it to become bigger and stronger.

It’s as simple as identifying a few easily attainable goals and then working to see them through to completion.

Lose 3 pounds of fat. Apply for a new job. Start that side hustle you’ve been putting off. Write a letter of gratitude to someone that’s fed into your life. Read a book. Sign up for a class that will teach you a new skill you’ve always wanted to learn.

Listen to my podcast with Dylan Madden on building a success mindset to learn how to write the script for your life – and start taking action on it.

Completing these kinds of small but impactful goals will provide a quick boost to your confidence. It’ll feel fantastic as you begin to realize the power you have to to shape the direction of your life. A little self-discipline goes a long way.

After a few relatively easy successes you’ll have a base of confidence from which you can springboard to achieving increasingly challenging goals that will provide more substantial improvements to your self-confidence.

Fake It Till You Make It

Despite what many will tell you, you don’t have to possess exemplary confidence to act as highly confident men act (or enjoy the benefits of doing so). Simply being intentional about displaying confidence as you go through life will transform you into a more confident man.

Some call this faking it till you make it. It would be more accurate to call it faking it to make it. Action taken consistently bends your mind to your will.

Begin going through life with an irrational level of self confidence. Tell yourself that you’re up for whatever challenges come your way. Being convinced that you can overcome whatever you’re faced with (including failure and rejection), and acting accordingly, is the essence of confidence.

Irrational self confidence is so powerful in a man’s life because of the persistent action that naturally flows from the mind of a man that knows what he wants, believes it’s already his, isn’t afraid of failure, and lets nothing deter him in his pursuit of attaining it.

Irrational self confidence is believing you can accomplish something before you’ve actually accomplished it. It’s having confidence in your ability to do things you haven’t yet done.

This isn’t lived out with a haughty spirit filled with conceit. It stems from knowing what you desire and being completely committed to doing whatever is necessary to attain it.

Confidence Through Humility

Humility is essential to building a man’s confidence, because getting help from others is a critical component of accomplishing difficult tasks for which we have little or no experience. Conceited men refuse to seek the assistance of others. They view asking for help as a personal weakness. It’s not.

Every man that’s achieved notable success in life has had one or more mentors guiding them to the Promised Land.

Moreover, being willing and able to seek out other men for guidance only galvanizes your confidence as you understand that no matter the challenges you’re faced with there will be others who’ve endured through that you can turn to for support. With the near endless access we have to the minds of other men today via the internet, your ability to find the answers you seek has never been cheaper or easier.

Resist falling into the trap of seeing the success of other men as something that’s beyond your grasp. Instead, take solace in the fact that other men have gone before you in accomplishing whatever it is you seek to accomplish.

Use it as fuel to be pissed off for success. If others have done it, there’s no reason you can’t do it, as well.

You might as well get used to humbly reaching out to others with the skills and experiences you need to actualize your life’s desires, while building a network of like-minded men around you. You won’t get very far in life without it.

Confrontation is the Cure for Low Confidence

The mistake most often made by men who genuinely desire to bolster their confidence is that they seek to do so by “fixing” their mind or thought patterns. Thinking isn’t the solution for low confidence.

Low confidence is a mental problem with fear as its source. You don’t overcome fear by thinking. Thinking only feeds it. You destroy fear through confronting it with action.

Action is powerful. As I pointed out earlier, action taken consistently will bend your mind to your will.

As a statement, this may sound fairly abstract, but you’ve no doubt seen this principle play out in your life.

The first few times you go to the gym to train your body you have to force yourself to go, you detest every rep, and the movements feel awkward. Continue forcing yourself to take these actions for a couple of months and you begin to look forward to training, you cherish the benefits it affords you, and the gym begins to feel like your home away from home.

You didn’t think your way to this change in mindset. It’s the result of intentional action. Your actions slowly drowned out your fear and replaced it with confidence.

The cure for low confidence will always require a man to confront the fear that is feeding it and giving it life. And he can only do this through his actions.

Confident men are men of action and men of action are confident men. They are one and the same. The man that acts on his convictions is never deficient in confidence.

This is the essence of how to become more confident. This is the essence of being a masculine man.

Be sure to listen to my podcast on how to become more confident by using the SoundCloud audio player below:

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– Craig James (@MasculineDesign)