No one benefits more from a man embracing his masculinity than his wife.
A wife benefits from her husband’s abilities to lead, project physical strength, apply sound logic, and reproduce via sexual intimacy.
The husband receives benefits, too. In fact, a man’s ability to engage in frequent sex with his wife is linked to how closely he’s aligned himself with his God-given masculine nature.
In today’s feminized culture a man’s masculine nature must be nurtured and protected from outside influence. Sadly, most men don’t guard their masculinity. Moreover, most don’t even see the value in doing so. It’s sad.
Husbands are fat, out of shape, subservient, have little self-discipline, blame others for their shortcomings, rarely read a thought-provoking book or learn a new skill, and are too timid to even make an executive decision on where to take the family for dinner.
I’m tempted to describe this as an epidemic, but the word doesn’t really apply here. Smallpox was an epidemic. The plague was an epidemic.
Husbands being feminized, fat, tepid, and not sexually desired by their wives isn’t an epidemic. It’s a consequence. It’s the result of complacency and a lack of self-discipline.
Men are allowing the foundations of their masculine nature to be eroded. With his masculine qualities decimated the modern husband finds himself in a marriage in which a massive chasm exists between his drive for sexual intimacy with his wife and her desire to be penetrated by him.
The Sexual Power of Masculinity
We’re told by today’s feminized culture that skinny-fat dad bods are sexy. We’re told it’s more important for a man to be weak, sensitive and accommodating within a relationship. To lead from a position of strength, confidence, and decisiveness is unimportant.
While it may be tempting for the emasculated modern husband to swallow this lie (and he has), the truth is: Men that embrace these absurd sentiments can expect to be undervalued by their wives, undersexed, unsatisfied with life, and reeling with personal discontentment as a result.
Women don’t desire men who simply go along to get along. They desire men who are strong, intelligent, assertive, and confident.
It’s no surprise that bachelors who exhibit these properties have an easy time attracting desirable women into their lives.
Women desire men who are also desired by other women. A woman’s desire is drawn to the kind of man that has other “options” and has chosen to commit to her despite the fact that many other women also find him insatiable. This doesn’t magically change after marriage.
The desire that wells up within a wife when she notices other women flirting with or lusting over her man is evidence of this. A cute waitress innocently, yet genuinely, flirting with you at a family dinner will virtually guarantee sex for you that night.
The psychological dynamic at play here is one of competition anxiety.
Now, there’s obviously a fine line between the presence of competition anxiety and violating your wife’s trust. Do not go out of your way to promote the escalation of innocent flirting when it’s levied in your direction by another female. The fact that another woman is showing an obvious attraction to you is enough.
The idea isn’t to instill terror in your wife of losing you. It’s to demonstrate higher value. Fair or not, women derive the sexual value they ascribe to their husbands from the sexual value that is ascribed to their husbands by other women.
Masculine husbands command greater sexual attention from all women and, therefore, command greater sexual attention from their wives as a result.
This scenario is nearly impossible for a man to create if he’s had his strength, confidence and assertiveness feminized out of him.
Emasculated Men End Up In Sexless Marriages
Contrary to the latest memes making their rounds on social media, rocking an out-of-shape dad-bod isn’t doing anything to make your wife seethe in anticipation of a sexual rendezvous.
It reeks of contentment with mediocrity. It also decays the self-value your wife derives from her marriage association with you.
The best way to describe the effect a man with milquetoast masculinity has on his wife: libido killing.
Incidentally, the wife hasn’t the faintest idea as to how the sexual flame she once had for her husband has been snuffed out. It’s happened slowly over time in the subconscious realm of her psyche. She may even feel guilt over her lost sexual appetite for her man.
A Wife’s Sexual Desire Isn’t Negotiable
The husband, desperate to do whatever is necessary to reinvigorate his wife’s sexual passion for him, will resort to attempting to gain it back through negotiation.
This is the male natural response to problems. Being made in the image of God, we share His logical nature. We rely heavily on our logical nature when faced with difficulty.
In his book, The Rational Male, Rollo Tomassi describes the man’s logical thought processes of attempting to negotiate his wife’s sexual desires for him like this (paraphrased):
I desire sex with my wife -> only my wife can give me the sex I desire -> query wife about her conditions for giving sex -> meet her conditions for giving sex -> get the sex I need.
Logical and straightforward, to be sure. But it doesn’t work.
The wife is oblivious to the root of the problem. She has no idea that her lack of sex drive stems from her husband’s failure to live out his masculine nature. So she’ll falsely presume her drained sexual appetite is associated with her overwhelming household responsibilities (or some other false flag).
‘Fair enough,’ the husband thinks. ‘I can do the dishes and laundry if it means bringing regular sex back to my marriage.’
The husband agrees to the conditions. He promises to take on a greater share of the household chores in exchange for more frequent sex.
Unfortunately for him, this doesn’t do anything to genuinely reinvigorate his wife’s sexual passion for him, because it fails to treat the root cause of the problem: his slumping masculinity.
Even if the end result is more sex for the husband, his wife is only “giving it up” out of a sense of obligation, and not a genuine desire to GET IT ON. The sex will only be a half-hearted experience that gives the man a sexual release without satisfying his innermost need to be desired sexually by his wife.
To put it bluntly: You can compel your wife by negotiation to comply with behaving in a desired manner, but you cannot make her want to behave that way through the process of negotiation.
Even a prostitute will agree to provide a man sex after the right conditions are negotiated, but it doesn’t mean sex is what she wants from him. 1
Putting the Sex Back in Your Marriage
Reclaiming your masculinity is a prerequisite for garnering the sexual attention of your wife. It’s really the only prerequisite.
This can require a drastic shift in thought and behavior on your part. Depending on how far down the feminized path you’ve strayed, it may take a number of months for exhibiting masculine characteristics to flow naturally for you.
Be warned. Your wife is likely to be resistant when your repressed masculinity begins welling up to the surface. Don’t be surprised by this.
She derives comfort in your predictability. This change in behavior won’t go unnoticed by her.
While the positive changes that take place in your life are going to upset the apple cart at the outset, you must stay the course. Your wife will eventually adapt, embrace your new masculine posture, and you’ll find her contentment in her relationship with you stronger than ever.
Talk is not enough. You must lead by your actions.
Demanding your wife to start respecting you as the masculine leader in your home is not going to end well for you.
You must earn this position. And it may take time to divulge the weak and passive reputation you’ve developed for yourself within your marriage.
Beneficial change of any kind takes time and consistent effort. Establishing yourself as the masculine leader of your home is no different. There aren’t any shortcuts. You have to put in the work.
Stop Saying ‘I Don’t Know’ and ‘It’s Up to You’.
It’s impossible for you to project yourself as a leader while also being indecisive. Remove indecisive phrases from your vocabulary.
Assert yourself. This is what leaders do. It’s what your wife wants you to do. It’s better for you to make any decision in the moment than to not make one at all.
The goal isn’t to be domineering. It’s to show your wife and the rest of the family that you’re engaged in family decisions.
Make suggestions. Have opinions and engage in conversations with your wife about matters of both great and negligible importance.
When your wife asks where you’d like to go eat, make a decision. Better yet, take the initiative to communicate where you’re planning on going before she has a chance to ask.
Don’t leave decisions up to her alone. If she doesn’t like your decision, it’s okay to rethink it and come to a mutually agreeable one. Just don’t push the ball solely into her court.
This isn’t what a leader does. It’s what a peon does and it projects emasculated weakness.
Being decisive shows initiative and confidence – even when the decision isn’t a perfect one. Any decision or suggestion is infinitely better than no decision at all. Your wife will take notice.
Exercise Your Intellect
Being an effective leader and making the right decisions for you and your family requires intelligence. The ability to clearly articulate yourself is also an essential element in persuading others to accept the veracity of your decisions.
A man’s intellectual acuity is directly proportional to his potential for achievement, career advancement, power, influence, social status, and provision. Strengthening any or all of these elements demonstrates higher value to your wife.
This will enhance the sense of value she inherits from her relationship with you, which will escalate her physical desire for you, as well.
This may seem superficial, but it’s true. It’s the reason rich, successful, powerful guys are magnets for gorgeous women. You can create this same kind of desire in your wife by committing yourself to any of the following:
- Learn a new skill that will help to advance you in your career
- Read books to learn about topics that will increase your earnings potential or give you interesting ideas to talk about
- Earn a degree (or multiple degrees)
- Become an entrepreneur by starting a side business
- Start solving problems at work that will provide value to your boss and earn you a promotion
- Get a new job that pays better
In addition to enhancing your value in the eyes of your wife, continually learning and acting on newfound knowledge makes life exciting. There’s always something new, interesting and useful to learn.
I pity any man that allows himself to become intellectually stagnant, wasting the enormous potential he’s been given to learn, build, think critically, and innovate.
The wives of such men aren’t too keen on this either.
Be Positive and Supportive
Your wife needs you to provide stability and emotional support in her life. She doesn’t need you coming home whining to her about your day and everything that isn’t going right in your life.
She needs you to comfort her with masculine confidence and a positive outlook.
Complaining has never accomplished anything positive in a man’s life or within his family.
You’re a man. Act like it.
Take charge. Set a positive example for your family. Exemplify for them what it means to take life’s challenges head-on without allowing undesirable circumstances to dampen your spirits.
As the husband goes, so goes the family. A negative husband is like cancer to the emotional stability of a household.
This will weigh especially heavy on his wife and take a toll on her desire for sexual intimacy with him. Emotional discontentment leads to the immediate sexual atrophy for a woman.
Take charge and set an example of staying positive as you confidently meet the challenges life throws at you and your family. Give your wife comfort in knowing that she can rely on you to lead the family in times of blessings, hardships, and everything in between.
Be a rock for your wife. Give her the emotional assurance she needs and she will give you the physical intimacy you need.
As I write in my book, Masculine By Design: Women need their emotional needs met before opening up physically. Men need their physical needs met before opening up emotionally.
Note: You can click here to get your free copy of Masculine By Design without leaving this page.
Men weren’t designed to be sedentary and weak. Nothing will sap a wife’s sex drive faster than having a husband with a paltry frame with most or all of his muscle mass obscured by body fat.
The good news is that few things will start to bring back her desire to passionately hump you like packing on a noticeable amount of muscle mass and adding some definition to your frame.
‘Lift weights’ is not referring to haphazardly moving some barbells or dumbbells around. I’m talking about the only way to pack on a respectable amount of muscle mass: strength training.
The focus must be on lifting heavy (4-6 rep max weight) and being intentional about continually increasing resistance while maintaining solid technique. The heavier the weights you can move without breaking good form, the larger and more dense your muscles will become over time.
To gain muscle mass you have to get stronger, period.
Three to five days of 45 minutes of lifting each week is sufficient. Just make sure to get it done. No excuses.
Eat Healthy Foods in Controlled Portions
Don’t over-complicate things here. Eat foods that are as close to their natural state as possible. In other words, foods that are minimally processed or altered.
Foods that can be described this way will provide your body with the highest amount of nutrition without bogging it down with preservatives, refined fat, artificial sugars, and other ingredients that promote fat storage, compromise the immune system, and lower testosterone production.
Following paleo nutritional guidelines is a great way to accomplish this.
Yes, eating clean is important, but calories are king. The number of calories you should be eating should be based on your current body composition.
I’m not going to sugarcoat things to avoid hurt feelings. That doesn’t help anyone. Being fat is unattractive, unhealthy and destroys your quality of life. It also kills your self confidence and puts your lack of self-discipline on display for all to see. Getting this under control should be your #1 priority.
If you’re fat enough that your abs aren’t visible you have one goal: lose fat and make them visible.
To do this, you should limit your daily calories to 2,200 – 2,500. This will be sufficient to strip the fat off your body until you become lean enough to allow your abs to show through.
While not completely necessary, incorporating cardio into your time at the gym is also a good idea to help accelerate fat loss. Controlling your calories, eating healthy foods, and regularly engaging in strength training will get the job done. It just may take a little longer without the use of cardio/conditioning work.
Those coming from a skinny or skinny-fat body type are a much rarer breed of men today than those that are obese or overweight. Skinny and skinny-fat men will obviously need to attack portion control from a different angle.
If this describes you, you’ll want to start by consuming 2,500 – 2,800 calories per day and increase from there if the number on the scale isn’t going up every week or two.
Always remember, if your body weight isn’t going up, this is a clear indication that you’re not eating enough calories to build strength and muscle mass optimally.
Own your body; own your masculinity.
Dress to Impress
Take some pride in your appearance. You don’t need to drop thousands of dollars on a polished wardrobe. You just need to put a little thought into what you’re wearing to make sure it comes off clean. Show you care about the way you look.
The best way to think about your style is to dress as if you were single. Dressing in a way that would attract the attention of single females will also attract the attention of your wife.
This also applies when you’re just hanging out with your family. I’m sure you don’t feel very special when your wife comes home from work or a night out with friends and immediately takes to a tee-shirt and sweatpants. A wife whose husband does this doesn’t feel very special either.
Look good for your wife. She notices how you dress. Dressing like a typical married schlub is only going to land you with the same barely existent sex life of one.
Push the Sexual Envelope
You may be disappointed to hear that doing everything I’ve recommended to this point may not have your wife ripping your clothes off twice a day for a romp in the sack.
She may very well want to, but she’s just not sure how to go about expressing her renewed sexual desire for you. Like everything else in marriage, as a masculine husband you need to take the lead and assert yourself in the bedroom.
Go to bed naked. Kiss her wherever it is on her body that makes her tingle. Give her an impromptu massage without asking if it’s okay ahead of time.
If you want sex from your wife, it’s up to you as a man to take what you want. Nine times out of ten she’ll be more than elated to oblige your masculine, take-charge advances.
On the off chance that she doesn’t – and this is important – you have to remain positive. Sure, it’ll be a small blow to your confidence. It doesn’t matter. Act as if her rejection doesn’t faze you in the least, stay positive, and try again tomorrow.
This kind of reaction will put her on edge as she realizes she can’t use her vajayjay to manipulate you, emotionally or otherwise. Your ability to walk away from sexual rejection is the epitome of self-confidence.
Your wife will pick up on this and trust me when I tell you that this will serve you well in the long run.
Your Wife Wants Sex with a Masculine Man… Be That Man
Men today who are trapped in disappointingly sexless marriages (and there are many) have nobody to blame but themselves. It’s their own actions and behaviors sapping the sexual energy from their wives. It will require an intentional change in behavior to reverse this undesirable trend.
A woman’s sexual appetite is fed in large part by a man’s masculine counterpoint to her feminine nature. They’ll say that they want a weak-willed, sensitive man of compromise. Their actions prove otherwise.
Be bold and decisive. Get fit, strong, and healthy. Lead by example. Exercise your mind. Work to better yourself. Mind your physical appearance. Stay positive. Assert yourself in the bedroom.
Fixing a sexless marriage isn’t always easy, but it is simple.
Start being a man.
– Craig James
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